Pocket Spiritual Director

Teresa Blythe's tiny blog

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Giving Yourself Away


It’s human nature to want to get something for nothing so naturally people, especially those in tight corporate structures or non-profits, will do their best to get volunteer labor. If giving your time and talents away is what you feel compelled to do and it does not deplete you then have at it. But if the request creates anxiety, a sense of “should” or a bit of resentment—run from it.

This afternoon I received a request to write some 8,000 words on four separate topics for a sermon-fodder subscription site. The upside is that I would get my name out there and would learn a lot researching the subjects. The downside was no pay. Even though this site charges pastors a pretty healthy amount to receive the information, writers are not compensated. The unfairness of it was more than I was willing to overlook.

Writing is one vocational field that has changed dramatically with the proliferation of online information. When blogging became popular and most of us bloggers created content for free, many corporate and non-profit entities drastically lowered or even eliminated pay structures for people who write for them. We are supposed to do it “to get our name out there” or for the fun of it.

There is probably an area in your life where someone wants more from you than you are willing to offer. We don’t have to give ourselves away. Spiritual discernment asks us to listen to that deep reservoir of wisdom within. One way I do this to ask myself:

  • Do I have the time and energy to take on this opportunity?
  • Do I have sufficient desire to take it on? (Does it excite me?)
  • Does this opportunity seem to “have my name on it?”

I take time to pray with these questions, asking God’s spirit to guide me in the path of peace and enrichment. This way, when I do choose to give of my self, I have taken time to count the cost.

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Minding the Mystery


How do we make sense of a seemingly senseless event?

In the HBO rendition of Tom Perrotta’s story The Leftovers, 10 percent of the world’s population vanished in a moment on an October day. Is it the rapture that evangelical Christians predicted would whisk Christians away in the last days? In a way, that would make sense. But the 10 percent were not all Christians nor were they all godly people. An Episcopal priest in the town of Mapleton, NY hammers on that point to those “leftovers” who insist on believing they have been abandoned by God and that only the chosen were taken.

Perrotta’s story is a vivid example of the many ways we humans try to make sense of events that boggle our minds. One group embraces the meaninglessness with nihilism—chain smoking to symbolize that those left behind talking about their vanished loved ones are “wasting their breath.” Other people go a little crazy in their own individual ways.

The institutional church has very little to offer (so far—I’ll admit I have not yet read the book!) in Perrotta’s story. The priest is shown in the pulpit giving a Sunday homily about hope but when the camera pans out we see only about 5 people in worship.

This is sad because contemplative Christianity does have wisdom to offer in situations that appear meaningless. If we can embrace the mystery without having to come up with a systematic theology to explain it all, we can come to a place of acceptance. 

We will always want to understand the inexplicable. We needn’t expect to understand it, at least not right away. In the interim, we would do well to mind the mystery.

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rinacappellazzo asked: suggestions for a 'current film study' as a format for spiritual direction? I loved the use of Draft Day for Sp.Dir.! I'm not a film-buff anymore, but I'd like to 'explore' this avenue...?

You might try Ed McNulty’s Visual Parables subscription. He’s a Presbyterian pastor and film buff who writes reviews and study guide questions to meaningful films. You can find him online. Good luck, Rina!

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Draft Day Discernment


"Listen to your gut and use your head” is a discernment principle to live by. And nowhere is that better illustrated than in the latest sports film about NFL draft days. Draft Day starring Kevin Costner and Jennifer Garner is the fictional story of how the GM of the “down and out” Cleveland Browns made a splash on draft day by listening to his gut and using his head at the same time.

Sonny Weaver, Jr. (Costner) is in perfect position to take the number one draft pick. But something about the top pick doesn’t add up for him. I won’t reveal all the twists and turns in the story, however the bottom line is that Weaver both waits until he finds his own clarity (gut) and then uses masterful negotiating skills (head) to set in motion a series of events that help him get where he needs to be.

When we are in the midst of spiritual discernment, it is important to listen to that still, small voice within—our intuition or gut. If we live by gut alone, though, we can lose our grounding and forget that God gave us rational thought to put our gut feelings to the test. Weaver pays attention to both as he finds a way—where it seemed there was no way—to maintain his integrity and win big for his team.

This kind of discernment isn’t easy. It takes courage. As Weaver’s girlfriend Ali (Garner) says to him in a rare moment of quiet on draft day, “Sometimes the correct path is a tortured one.”

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How do you feel about your spiritual community?


When you are on a spiritual path, your community—-your people—-are important to your on-going discernment. You probably have a spiritual community whether it is a church, spiritual group, 12-step group or a circle of friends you can be fully yourself with.

How do you feel about your spiritual community (or communities)? Are they nurturing you? Are you nurturing others in the community?

This is an important question for a lot of people for whom traditional forms of spiritual community are falling short. It’s a question spiritual directors frequently ask of new directees.

We need to know who our “tribe” is and have a place where we fit.

Not having this community can lead to loneliness and alienation.

Perhaps we will have to redefine community and find new ways to be in community. That is the challenge many traditional spiritual institutions face right now as memberships decline and people’s levels of commitment dwindle. If old communities do not stay alive and vital, new ones will need to be birthed.

If your spiritual community is just what you need it to be—-Congratulations! Spread the word. If not, know that you are part of a great big world of spiritual seekers also yearning for something new.

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What do you do when no one is looking?


It’s the beginning of Lent and Facebook is full of Christians posting what they are doing to clear out space for God in their lives as they move toward Easter.

By contrast, the lectionary scripture for today is Matthew 6: 1-6  (beware of practicing your piety before others….). I certainly have no problem with people announcing their Lenten practice—or any other spiritual practice, value or belief that is important to them. Other scriptures tell us to “let our light shine before others.”

Today’s passage does make me wonder, though, what do people of faith do when no one is looking? What spiritual practice do they do in secret, in their rooms alone with God who is in secret?

What do you do with God or for God that you don’t feel the need to tell anyone about?

I like to imagine all the people—from any and all religions—that are quietly praying and working for peace.

I envision all the people sitting in meditation, listening for a word from God.

I like to believe there are people cheerfully and discreetly opening their hearts, their hands and their wallets to causes that make the world a better place.

I want to believe there are many of us praying and working for an end to violence and poverty. 

I don’t have to see it posted somewhere. Faith tells me it is happening “under the radar.”

May your Lent be meaningful.

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How do you practice humility?

Humility is the spiritual practice of removing yourself as the center of the universe and considering all that you do not know. It can be an awe-inspiring experience! Very freeing.

However, in our culture today, humility is viewed as one of the worst sins a person can commit— the sin of having low self esteem. I was perusing advertisements for jobs recently and saw one looking for “a rock star.” (And it was for a job in the health care industry). So today we can’t just be the best version of ourselves. No, we must be ROCK STARS in order to compete.

Rock star = opposite of humble.

Humility is also a tough concept for a lot of women. Some of us were raised to fade into the background. Not call attention to ourselves. Be quiet and submissive. So when women consider humility, it is easy to think “been there, done that” or “someone is just trying to shut me up.”

Humility is not about being a wallflower. It is about the intentional stepping back in order to allow something or someone else to shine. As John the Baptist once said about Jesus, “I must decrease so that he may increase.”

Humility is acknowledging that what you know and understand is limited. That it is OK not to know everything. It’s OK to be a small part of a great big world.

Yes, we are supposed to shine and “be all we can be.” But we do so knowing that everyone else is capable of the same thing.

Humility grounds us, in the best possible way.

How is it that you practice humility?

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What are your gifts?


Each of us is born with gifts. And it is our responsibility to cultivate them, use them for the good of the world, preserve them and, at times, protect them.

Since we are in a season that emphasizes giving, it’s a good time to think about what our gifts are.

Gifts are not the same as acquired skills. We may be very skilled at something but actually have little gift for it. We determine that by how energized or fulfilled we feel after doing it at length. I am skilled at using a keyboard but if I do it all day I feel awful! However, I’m gifted at listening to people describe their spiritual path (or seemingly lack thereof). At the end of a day a listening, I may be tired but I don’t feel awful. I feel gifted!

To determine your gifts you don’t need some extensive academic “gifts inventory” to fill out. Your time is probably better spent taking an hour or two alone in prayer or reflection, relaxing and sitting intentionally with the question: What gives me life? Or, the classic discernment question given to us by Frederick Buechner—“where does my deepest joy meet the world’s deep need?”

Some other useful questions are:

  • What aspect of my personality brings joy (peace, grace, etc.) to others?
  • When do I feel I am living most authentically?
  • What do other people tell me I’m gifted at?
  • What am I really good at? So good that it doesn’t even feel like work, it feels completely natural?

Don’t fall into a trap of thinking your gifts have to be super spectacular by the world’s standards. If you are gifted at knowing when to bring a downhearted co-worker cookies, then write that down and celebrate it! Ask God how you might expand that gift. I have a friend who is really good about hand-writing beautiful notes to people at special occasions. Another friend has the gift of quickly cutting through confusion and BS to get to the heart of the matter.

Enjoy whatever gifts you have and spread them around. All good gifts work together for God’s purpose.

Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. And I hope you didn’t forget to celebrate Festivus for the Rest of us on Dec 23rd!!

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Body Wisdom


Where do I feel this emotion in my body?

The next time you experience a strong emotion—whether a pleasant one or an unpleasant one—ask yourself this question. Notice what your body may be saying to you about this feeling.

When we walk too long without a break, our feet talk to us, right?

When we eat too much food at one sitting, our stomach lets us know.

In the same way, we can gather awareness about ourselves by noticing things like a headache that appears in a certain setting but disappears when we change settings. 

God created our bodies as a wealth of information. This doesn’t mean that every ache or pain is highly significant or emotional in nature. But some of them can be. How do we discern which ones are? How can we relate, spiritually, to these “felt senses?”

  1. Pay attention to “felt senses” in your body. That includes pain but is not limited to pain. You may feel other sensations such as tingling, warmth, tightness or pulsations. If you can’t find a word for what you are feeling, see if an image emerges.
  2. Talk to them. I know it sounds weird at first. But put yourself in a calm, relaxing environment and ask the felt sense if it has something to share with you. If nothing happens, then OK. But you might receive some body wisdom just by asking! If you have a spasm in your neck that feels like a tightly wrung cloth, ask the wound-up-cloth “what gets you so tight?”
  3. Keep a journal of this felt sense and your interaction with it. Notice when it shows up and when it leaves. A journal over time can help you determine if this sensation is tied to an emotion.
  4. If it is a pain, ask it “What would all better feel like?” 
  5. As part of your daily practice of prayer and reflection, thank your body for all it does for you. Let your body know you love it and will take good care of it. Entrust your body to the Holy One and accept all the healing that God offers.

If you want more information about body awareness from a spiritual point of view, look into books and articles on the practice of “focusing.” One book I recommend is Bio-Spirituality by Peter A. Campbell and Edwin M. McMahon.

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How do I see the miracle in the mundane?


We must engage questions that are alive and do practices that make us more alive. — Rabbi Danny Cohen

As I continue to write about meaningful questions that can be engaged in spiritual direction, I’m sharing this one from Rabbi Cohen:

How do I see the miracle in the mundane?

I remember facing this question when I was studying in the Spiritual Direction program at San Francisco Theological Seminary in the late 90’s. We were constantly asked to share experiences of God with one another as we learned the art of spiritual direction. My experiences always seemed a tad mundane when compared to ones shared by people who had seen, heard and felt visions or miracles. 

One day I shared an experience of deep well-being that consisted of walking down a sunny street headed to my favorite burrito lunch hangout. I am not sure I had ever felt so held, so loved by God. So happy.

Then, another woman shared an experience of a giant Jesus walking toward her to embrace her.

Wow. Giant Jesus versus happy burrito walk. That’s really miracle versus mundane!

Of course, it’s never a good idea to compare spiritual experiences (I now know that). We’re not in a competition. There was no reason for me to feel ashamed that my miracle came in the form of a walk toward a burrito while her miracle was in the form of Jesus walking toward her.

Mine was the miracle of daily life shining with Divine Light for no particular reason. What St. Ignatius might call “consolation without cause.”

Moments of deep peace, satisfied well-being and a taste of the transcendent are miracles in this world where chaos and greed sometimes seem to be winning.

Where are you seeing the miracle in the mundane today?